This time we begin with a question. Answer this question in your mind, what is the one thing in life that you can always live happily for? Some might name a relationship, it could be your partner, child, parents, or siblings, others may designate it to be their relationship with work. There may be other choices like travel, nursing, and more for some souls. Whatever you choose, living for it is never always a cushioned road. It is often a bumpy trail, sometimes hurtful enough for us to reconsider our choices. It is not a surprise if you find yourself sitting back and asking yourself if you made the wrong commitments, or whether you need any commitments. Three basic questions that come to mind and might solve the mental muddle are why do relationships hurt? do we need relationships? how to handle relationships? We will answer each of these and by the end of the writeup, you will know exactly why you chose what you chose in the beginning.
Now, let us pay heed to some real-life encounters. You must have met retired people at some point in your life. People who are old, carry fewer responsibilities and have earned enough to keep up for the rest of their lives. There is no pressure on them to work. There is no commitment expected either. If you ever get a chance to speak to them or analyze their lifestyle, you would find them working still. Some of them would rather be passionate to work and may emerge more influential in their work than ever. Why does that happen? For all of the reasons stated above. People by their retirement age, do not feel the burden of commitments, the pressure of delivery, and the fear of outcomes. Essentially, they value their work as a contribution to society and not just a means of living. They fundamentally fall in love with their work and cannot resist it. This love for their work is too strong for them to part ways with it. So, now answer this to yourself, do you value the one thing you chose enough to hold on to it forever?
Why Do Relationships hurt?
Before you absorb the answer to this question, ask yourself, is there a rainbow without a storm? Would you appreciate a rainbow without a storm? The storm has a meaningful existence, letting you know that soon the sky would be painted with colors of wonder. Likewise, joy has no meaning in the absence of pain. There is an abundance of feelings involved in any relationship. It has the power to give you immense happiness and at the same time can shatter you to the ground. More often it is these feelings, expectations, and a desire to impose control over the relationships that elate us with joy or causes depressing pain. When outcomes are not as desired, there is a mental impediment. It compels us to believe that there is a deliberate attempt by the relationships to hurt us. Ask yourself, can you let go of your expectations and accept the one thing you chose in the beginning, the way it comes to you?
Every relationship, be it with your work or a person or a passion, will encounter inevitable conflicts. We can either choose to resolve them or escape from them. With conscious efforts, every pain can become a pleasure. Sometimes the fear of failure drives us away from trying to make things better. Do you ever give up walking on a trail halfway? If you do, you miss the blissful panorama and the delight of having reached it. Another reason that pulls us away from relationships is the insecurity that we are not enough for them. We never attempt to choose a new task at work for the fear of incapability. We are discouraged by the feeling of not receiving enough love when trying to be in a relationship. All of these preconceived notions not only block your mind but convince you to believe that relationships are hopeless.
Do we really need relationships?
When trying to discover the real truth behind relations, it makes sense to discover if they are vital or not. What is the gripping need to have relationships that hurt in the first place? The sad part is most of us do not realize the purpose of our relationships or keep forgetting it. We are never clear on our goals when we enter into a relationship. To gain better clarity let us consider an example. Imagine yourself alone in a room on your birthday. You may get a cake for yourself, even the things that you desire. Would that be enough fun for you? Even if one person you love is with you on your birthday, it adds an enormous amount of joy to the occasion. It does not mean that you always need to be surrounded by people. Neither does it mean that you need many people. Just the one you love the most is capable of magnifying happiness.
It is clear now, that relationships magnify human experiences. We need them because the real power of any happiness is in sharing. Relationships are about giving and thinking about another soul. Work becomes your love because you make contributions to society. Your entire life can be filled with tremendous happiness if your relationships are held in love. Does your choice add to your joy and makes you feel happier?
How to handle relationships?
Now that you know the relevance of its existence, it is a cakewalk for you to handle a relationship. Remember that love must be the foundation of a relationship. You will only hold on to the things you love, as only they can retain happiness within you. As described by renowned author and public speaker Tony Robbins, even a newborn who arrives in this world releases a hormone called Oxytocin when love is shown to him. He immediately understands the meaning and presence of love. Likewise, every person who can feel the presence of love will feel comfortable and secure in a relationship. Do not cling to rules, let love guide you. Everyone wishes to feel needed. Do not shy away from expressing their importance in your life. There must be uncertainty, surprise, variety, challenges, and acknowledgement to keep the relationships alive. It is bizarre to think that relationships must not require any effort. There is always a need to work on your relationships. Bring a certain amount of uncertainty, get surprise gifts or create some. Try to take your relationships to the next level. Everything in the world must grow. If it is not growing, then it will move backwards. Likewise, relationships also mature with time. Besides cuddles, we must develop an understanding of each other’s pains. Sometimes they can be very disturbing, which is where we can be the biggest support.
A partnership does not need to be between two identical people for it to work. Partners must complement each other. There should be a shared goal of progress for both the partners in a relationship. Any relationship based on love would be able to achieve shared and individual goals. This ultimately is the source of eternal happiness for a lifetime. So, now coming back to where we began, you would have been able to guess the reason why you chose a relation to be your lifetime happiness. Yes, it is because you love it!
If you are facing severe problems in love, have a relationship that hurts and are unable to get rid of the emotions, winnersnest can guide you the way ahead. Tap on the WhatsApp icon and start writing your story. We understand your pain and believe there is a way out even for hopeless cases.
